I’m 4 weeks, 4 days pregnant today. It’s still so early, I’m afraid to even talk about it. We have our first ultrasound scheduled for 6 weeks, 3 days on May 15th. It’s only 2 weeks from now, but might as well be 2 years. It seems so far way right now! And even if all is good with our little jelly bean on that day, I still won’t rest easy. I know it can still go wrong even if we see a heartbeat. I have so much hope for this new pregnancy, but my history has taught me to be very cautious. So right now I’m just trying to enjoy the moment and take this day by day. It helps that I feel like complete crap. I’m relishing in it. I’ll take feeling like crap if it means all is good with our little one 🙂 Symptoms So Far: # 1 – Exhaustion! This is my 6th pregnancy and I don’t remember feeling this tired with any of the others. Not even with Holdon, and I carried him to almost 28 weeks. I’ve had to drag my butt out of bed every day this week, and have found myself…Continue reading 4 Weeks, 4 Days
Tag: Miscarriage and Fertility
Reflecting on a Strange Week
This has been an interesting week. Not really bad, but not great either. First of all, I wrote last Sunday that I thought my body was having a good laugh at my expense, and I think it decided to keep on laughing because I posted a picture from Pinterest that said, “The bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep” by E. Joseph Lossman, and then I tossed and turned all that night, and the next 2 nights too! I was exhausted and falling asleep on the couch right after dinner, but as soon as I would go to bed, nothing! I was finally able to get a good 5 hours in a row on Wednesday and Thursday night and about 7 hours total last night, but it still wasn’t great. I kept having the weirdest dreams that kept waking me up. A lot of the dreams have been about our son and babies. I think Holdon’s upcoming not-birthday next Sunday is weighing heavily on my mind. I’ve been working on a video/slideshow for him and I think it’s bringing all of it back. I don’t regret working on it though, because it’s something I’ve wanted to do for…Continue reading Reflecting on a Strange Week
The Difference A Day Can Make
First of all, I want to thank all the ladies who commented on my WTF is My Body Doing? post from yesterday. All your support and advice really helped ease my mind and I was able to fall asleep easily last night instead of worrying about what my waking temp would be today. And sure enough, my temp went way up to 98.0 this morning! There’s no mistaking that temp shift. Whew! So if it remains high, then I can confirm that I ovulated some time yesterday. I’m feeling pretty foolish for putting that post up yesterday and seeing my temp go up today. Talk about jumping the gun! I really think my body was having a good laugh at my expense, but at least I know I’m back on track with only a few days delay and all your advice really helped! Image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/328551735287917191/ After seeing that temp shift, I turned off my alarm and fell back to sleep until 10:00. It was bliss! I haven’t been able to sleep in that late in ages, and I can’t believe what a difference it has made in my mood today. So now I’m back in the dreaded TWW again, but…Continue reading The Difference A Day Can Make
You Will Soon Witness a Miracle
A few days ago, we went for dinner at PF Changs, and at the end of our meal, they brought us fortune cookies. This was mine: I have to admit, my faith has been stretched pretty thin the past several weeks, but seeing that little strip of paper reminded me to not give up in a moment when I was feeling pretty hopeless. Okay God, I’m listening. I won’t give up. I won’t lose faith. You might recall that last month I posted the image below. I’m re-posting it because I’m seeing it in a different light now. We saw this boulder on the drive between Temecula and Palm Springs. It says, “I’m Right Here. Don’t Let Me Go”. At the time, I thought it was a sign that my FET would be successful, but now I realize I needed reminding that it might not all go according to plan, but I’m not alone and I shouldn’t let go of my faith and hope. And now in the wake of another miscarriage, I get this fortune. If these aren’t a sign from a higher power, I don’t know what is. I know this journey isn’t going to be easy. It…Continue reading You Will Soon Witness a Miracle
Chemical Pregnancy or False Positive?
I have been holding off writing this post until I had more answers, but three days later, I honestly still don’t know what the F really happened. My period was due 4 days ago. By 6PM on that day, there was no sign of AF arriving and I was feeling all the familiar “symptoms” I’ve had with my last 4 pregnancies: weird throbbing headaches, extremely sore breasts and peeing a lot, so I decided to test. I sent my hubby out to get the tests because I had used up all my tests last month when I was frantically hoping for a BFP after my embryo transfer. He came home with the generic CVS brand with blue dye. I wasn’t happy. I only trust First Response Early Result tests not blue dye early result tests. I have heard they can sometimes give false positives. At any rate, this was the only test I had and my hubby was irritated with me for testing at all. He’s of the mindset, we’ll find out when my period is a no show, but since I always have a 26 day cycle and my period is usually in full force by the evening on…Continue reading Chemical Pregnancy or False Positive?
Hard Decisions
I’m having a really hard time articulating my thoughts right now so I hope this all makes sense. Since my last post, we’ve had to reevaluate our choices again because we got the fee summary from our clinic for our upcoming plan, and we’re not sure we can or should proceed. If we somehow miraculously end up needing to do only one low stim cycle, it will still end up costing us another $16,000. If we end up having to do 3 or more low stim cycles (far more likely), we’re looking at spending another $25,000 or more. Here’s the fee summary we received from our clinic: MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE $ 6,442.50 MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-15% ADJUSTMENT $ 5,872.38 MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-30% ADJUSTMENT $ 4,902.25 FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-15% ADJUSTMENT $ 3,493.50 REPROGENETICS 24-CHROMOSOME PANEL (EMBRYOS 1-12) $ 5,125.00 ADDITIONAL $225 PER EMBRYO OVER 12, IF APPLICABLE TOTAL AMOUNT DUE $ 25,835.63 The above fee breakdown is for 3 Min Stimulation cycles. It will end up costing even more if we still don’t have enough embryos for testing after 3 cycles. I have to…Continue reading Hard Decisions
CD 2 – Moving Forward and Refusing to Give Up
First of all, I want to thank everyone in the RPL blogosphere for all your support and prayers over the past couple weeks. Thank you also to my family and friends. All your love and support has been my lifeline through this entire process. I apologize for not updating all of you sooner. I have to admit, I was feeling pretty lost. I really thought our one good embryo would take, so it was a complete shock when it didn’t. Even with our 2 negative betas (and 3 negative HPTs), I kept thinking it must have been a mistake and somehow I was still pregnant, but my period arriving with a vengeance yesterday put those diffusional thoughts to rest. It’s done. I accept that now, but I refuse to accept that this journey is done for us. I just can’t be. We met with Dr. J on Wednesday to discuss what happened and talked about our options. They weren’t great, but there still are some options, so thank God for that! He had no explanation for why our embryo didn’t take. She was only a moderate grade embryo which could have been an explanation, except that we did PGD, so…Continue reading CD 2 – Moving Forward and Refusing to Give Up
A Prayer for the Infertile by a hundred affections
This is so beautiful. I echo each and every word. Thank you Kate at a hundred affections, for posting this prayer: A Prayer for the Infertile | a hundred affections
Negative Beta and Feeling Lost
Thank you everyone for all your love and support over the past few days. I wish I had better news to share, but unfortunately I don’t. It’s official, the blood test was negative today. I knew as soon as I heard the nurse’s voice that it was bad news. I could hear the disappointment in her voice. But at least I wasn’t surprised. Even though she discouraged me from testing on my own, at least it allowed me to be prepared for the final result. Well almost final result. As if this wasn’t bad enough, I have to go back in on Monday and re test, “just in case”. Although it’s very unlikely, there’s still a small possibility that I could have a late implantation and we have to wait to confirm. So this means, I have to wait some more and still have to use the messy progesterone suppositories and I still have to act pregnant, even though all I want to do is drown myself in a bottle of wine right now. I feel so lost right now. This was our one chance. I have no idea what to do now. After Monday’s confirmation, we’ll meet with Dr.…Continue reading Negative Beta and Feeling Lost
6dp5dt – Losing Hope
Well a lot has changed in the past 3 days. I wish I could say it was for the better, but unfortunately, that’s not the case. I have been feeling a lot of cramping that’s gotten steadily more noticeable in the past couple days and my breasts were starting to get really sore. I thought this must have been a good sign, so I decided to do an FRER HPT, yesterday. I know I shouldn’t have. The nurse specifically told me not to, but I know FRER is really sensitive and can detect the smallest traces of HCG, and I told myself from the start that I would test a day or two before so I could prepare myself. Well it was negative. And I did another test this morning and it was negative too. I’m devestaded. How can I be feeling all of this and it be negative? I guess it could be the progesterone, but I didn’t feel any of this before the transfer. It’s so messed up. I know it’s not over until the beta tomorrow, but I’m not too hopeful anymore that the result will be different with the blood test. I know this is why the…Continue reading 6dp5dt – Losing Hope