The past few days have been rough. I’m so tired and emotional. The hubby and I had a fight over something stupid yesterday morning and I spent the rest of the day crying while trying to work. I’ve been crying a lot the past few days. I can’t even say why exactly, I guess it’s just the extra hormones and worry. I’m still feeling symptoms, but they seem to come and go. The only constant symptom is exhaustion which seems to be getting worse. I want to crawl right back into bed and sleep the day away right after getting up every day. I’m so happy to feel it because it’s the only reassurance I have that this might be okay. It’s been challenging getting anything done though. As for the other symptoms, they come and go. It’s very disconcerting, and I feel like I’m having an emotional breakdown. One minute I feel positive that this time is going to be different, but then I remember that I have bad eggs and the odds of this going well aren’t great. This is my 6th pregnancy and I have no living children. I’m not sure I can handle another loss. I’m trying so hard to guard my heart this time, but I can’t help it. I already have so much love for this little one, and I know I will be devastated if we lose this baby too.
Our first ultrasound is in 1 week. By this time next week, I’ll be 6 weeks 3 days pregnant and we’ll either see our baby’s heart beating and know that all is going well, at least in that moment, or we’ll learn that this is over. I have so much fear and anxiety over hearing those words again. The words that silence all other words and thoughts… “I’m so sorry, but there’s no heartbeat”. Can I bear to hear them again? I know I’ve survived it before, but every time, a small piece of me dies. I’m scared that this time I’ll lose too much of myself. Will I be able to come back from it?
For now all I can do is try and focus on the positives…
1. This is a new pregnancy. This is a new chance. A new hope.
2. My symptoms are coming and going, but exhaustion is constant. As hard as it is to get through my day right now, I’m happy for it. It’s a reassuring.
… and have faith <3
I’m praying for you and baby. I know it’s so scary and I just hope that you’ll be able to find some peace during this next week as you wait for the ultrasound. I’ll also be in prayer for your ultrasound. Big hugs!
Thanks hon <3
Amen girl! Let your faith be bigger. Fear is never from The Lord. All the thoughts I anxiety is jut the enemy trying to steal your hope, faith and even joy. Keep staying positive 🙂
Thanks hon. It’s so true!
I know exactly how you feel, though I haven’t lost five babies. My heart goes out to you and I can only imagine the fear you have. I’m feeling quite confident this baby is your take home baby. The exhaustion is a good sign! My symptoms are coming and going a lot too, which I guess is just normal at this stage in the game. And I’m a little fatigued, but not as tired as you, so definitely embrace that wonderful pregnancy symptom and feel good about your baby’s progress. Much love to you! And lots of hugs!
Thanks hon Much love and hugs back! I’m praying for you too!
Stay strong lady. I can’t imagine what your going through or been through. I recently came across a video called ‘Re deafening silence’ it’s about a woman’s prospective on still birth and loss. It was beautiful and posted by a girl I follow on tumblr who just has a still birth. Thought you may be interested in it.
Thanks hon! I would love to see it!
Sending prayers and hugs. I know it’s scary, but you’re right.. it is a new pregnancy and new hope.
Thanks hon. It’s hard, but I keep telling myself that! How are you doing? Been thinking about you!
I can only imagine the fear this bring. You are in my thoughts and prayers sweet friend. I am praying so hard that next week baby will have a strong and healthy heartbeat.
Thanks hon! I’m praying for you too! I think we have our ultrasounds on the same day! May we both be blessed with good news next Thursday!
Sending positive vibes your way. I can’t imagine how tough it must be, but you are right to be hopeful. This is a new pregnancy and a new start and I am hoping along with you for this little nugget. Stay strong =)
Thanks hon <3
Sweets, I am thinking of you. You have had such a difficult journey and the way that journey will affect you always is so bittersweet. Because of it all, your gorgeous son, all your babies…but this one is different. I am praying for you and your jelly bean, I am praying for strength and calm. I am hoping that Thursday will be amazing. Heart you, lady.
Thanks hon! I heart you too!! I keep telling myself this one is different. It definitely feels different. I’m hoping that’s a good sign 🙂 Thinking about you lots and praying for your little one too! Hugs!
Hey–you are gonna be ok no matter what. And aren’t you the lady that’s been taking all the egg-improvement supplements that you told me about? Aren’t you the lady who hasn’t had a cup of coffee for God knows how long?! Well, then your eggs are a lot better than they were before! So don’t you curse those eggs, after you’ve invested so much to polish them and make them fabulous. And furthermore, it’s always darkest before the dawn. Is it feeling pretty dark? Hang tight. Love, MLACS
Thanks hon, I needed that reminder! When the doubts start creeping in, I start to wonder if it was enough or made a difference, but you’re right, a lot has changed! And it’s just as possible we caught a shiny perfect egg 🙂 Much love back!! <3
Hoping for that heartbeat next week and sending you lots of love!
Thanks so much hon!