Here We Go Again

My Hope JarUncategorized

PG-tests-April24The last 2 days have been really eventful amazing and I have been dying to tell all of you! I was just waiting for confirmation. I have no idea if it was the Evening Primrose Oil, or maybe it was just our month, I don’t know, but I took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was positive!

I was adamant I wasn’t going to test before my period was due, but I changed my mind last night because I started feeling really awful 2 days ago. I feel like someone zapped all my energy and all I want to do is sleep. I’ve also been feeling really light headed and have had those familiar twinges and cramps even though my period isn’t due until Sunday. So after arguing with myself for several hours yesterday, I decided to bite the bullet and POS, and it was positive! The second line came up right away, and it wasn’t even a squinter! See the top test in the image above. Then because of what happened 2 months ago with my chemical pregnancy, I wanted to make sure so I took another one this morning and it’s way darker! See the bottom test in the image above.  I’m in complete shock! I really didn’t expect it to happen this month since my husband was so sick the week before ovulation, but I guess that didn’t matter!

Then, just now as I was writing this post, I got my beta result. It’s 62! It’s not super high, but I’m only 3 ½ weeks at this point so I think that’s pretty good. However, history has shown me that one beta doesn’t mean much, so I’m very anxious for beta # 2. The next one will give us a better idea if we’re on the right track with this pregnancy. I think I go in on Saturday, but need to confirm with my doctor if she wants me to go in on Sat or wait until Monday. Oh I hope she doesn’t make me wait until Monday!

I’m feeling so many emotions right now. I’m beyond happy, but also really scared. What if this ends the same way the past 4 pregnancies have? Or what if I make it further like my first, and I still lose my baby, like I did Holdon? I want to enjoy this, but there’s so much fear holding me back. As scared as I am though, I am still very hopeful. I had to get pregnant again to even have a chance at a successful pregnancy. So here we are again and I’m so thankful. And although the odds are stacked up against us, there are still some good eggs in there and it’s possible we just caught one. Oh I hope so. So for now, I’m saying this mantra over and over again that You just need to relax shared on her blog yesterday

“New Sperm, new egg, new pregnancy, new chance, new hope.”

 

15552-I-Can-Do-ThisImage Credit: http://www.lovethispic.com/image/15552/i-can-do-this

59 thoughts on “Here We Go Again”

    1. Thank you hon! Thank you so much for your post about the EPO. I really think it helped! I’m sending you so many prayers for your BFP at the end of your cycle too!

  2. Congratulations!!!! I’ve been following your blog for several months now because your story is so similar to my own! I will say a prayer for this little bean and pray this is your take home rainbow!!!!

    1. Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts. I just started following your blog too and plan to read through it more thoroughly on the weekend. We really do have similar stories. Sending you so many prayers you get to take home your rainbow soon too. Hugs <3

      1. sorry I commented twice. I was typing and talking to Goldilocks at the same time and my phone said it didn’t send…so i had to do it again…or so I thought. 😉

  5. Congrats! My first beta was only 66 and I was do anxious for those 48 hours. Currently 9 weeks and going strong!! Fingers crossed your numbers double!!!!

    1. I’m so happy to hear you are doing well hon. I have been thinking about you a lot. Yes, there are going to be so many anxious days ahead, but one step at a time, right? Fingers crossed for both of us and our little ones!

    1. Thank you so much hon <3 Your prayers and thoughts mean so much! You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers too! This is going to sound crazy and I shouldn't write this for worry of jinxing anything, but I have a really good feeling for both of us. I'm feeling really good about this new cycle for you. Praying so hard this is our time!

    1. : ) Thanks hon. You’ve been on my mind a lot lately. I’m continuing to say so many prayers for you and your little one too! You should be due for your first ultrasound soon, right?

      1. Yup, first one is Tuesday, which is literally 10,000 years away. I am on call this weekend which at least gives me some distraction. I am still so incredibly tickled about your news too, Mama!!!

        1. Haha, right back atcha, Mama 🙂

          Oh I know what you mean! Soon, but soooo far away! I’m glad you have work as a distraction, though I hope it isn’t too stressful with crazy pet emergencies. I will be saying so many prayers and crossing everything I can cross for you on Tuesday!

  8. Oh my gosh, I am so happy and excited for you, I have tears in my eyes! I just want so much for this to be your dream-come-true. I’m in love with your little embryo already. Grow, baby, grow!! Your mama and daddy want you SO much.

    I was afraid to read this because I didn’t know if it would be good news or bad news with that title, but I cannot even express how great I felt when I scanned the post and saw those tests then began reading. YAY!!!! I could not be more thrilled. Thank you for sharing your fantastic news with us. Streaming the love, hope and prayers your way.

    1. Aw, thank you hon! We really do want this little one so much. I want this so bad, it’s hard to breathe! I’m sorry for the title! I didn’t think when I wrote it! I feel like my brain is complete mush right now : )

      Sending you so much love and hope and prayers too <3

  9. Yay! I’m so happy for you! God truly listens to our prayers! Thanks for sharing this wonderful news! I’ve been following your blog for the past 6-7 months and I want you to know that you are an inspiration. Will continue to pray for your little bean.

    1. He sure does! I’m in awe with God and this amazing blessing right now. Thank you so much for your prayers hon. Your support means so much!

    1. Thank you so much. I just added you to my blogroll. I will be following your journey and praying you get your BFP very soon too.

  14. Oh. My. God.
    I just replied to your comment on my blog “I miss you and will be looking out for your next post” and hot damn! I’m really, really, really, REALLY stoked about this!!!! I felt like the wind was knocked out of me when your last transfer didn’t work–I deeply longed for you to be pregnant again. So, keep the faith and keep us posted. *Hugs* XOXO

    1. Aw thank you so much hon! I will definitely keep you all posted! I am longing so deeply for you to be pregnant again very soon too! We need to get that hubby of yours to stay put and then I just know it will happen! So many hugs back! <3 <3 <3

    1. Thanks so much hon. It’s actually #6. I had a chemical pregnancy 2 months ago. But I really like the sound of lucky #6 🙂 Thank you for your thoughts!

      I just started following your blog too. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers too. I hope this cycle is it for you too!

  16. This is the best news I’ve heard all week!!! I am so ecstatic and all of my thoughts and prayers are being sent your way for this little one to be your healthy miracle take-home babe! You sooooo deserve this!

  17. Oh my oh my!!! This is great news! I know this is an anxious time so hang n there. I will be thinking of you lots and lots. Hugs!!

    1. Thanks hon <3 You've been on my mind a lot. I hope you're doing okay and those levels go down very soon so you can finally start to heal. Hugs back!

  19. Crying hun, I want this so bad for you. Holding your hand through every moment, stay strong. So hopeful this is it! xxx

    1. Thanks hon <3 It's so good to hear from you! And likewise! I have been thinking about you and little nacho and praying for you both so much!

  23. Yea hon, you can do this!! I know this is cliched, but you need to relax now. There was a quote I read somewhere which meant something like this( sorry i dont have the original quote) if you live your life imagining the worst, then you have lived the worst even if it doesnt happen. So think positive. We have a saying in India that if you say the same thing 100 times it will happen at least once. So keep saying in 10 months you will have a beautiful baby who will
    Wipe away all your tears.

    1. I love that saying! I will be saying it over and over again.

      In 10 months, I will have a beautiful baby who will wipe away all my tears.

      Thank you hon <3

  24. I’m sooo happy for you!!
    Don’t panic if your beta doesn’t double as the newest research shows that it can double in 3 days not necessarily 2…and you have to repeat the beat a few times like every 2-3 days 3 times in a row to have something meaningful…beta doesn’t even have to double in 3 days the first time but it can later on….
    It happened in my last pregnancy..it didn’t double in 3 days but it doubled later on 6 days in a row…I hate the beta and said I’ll never do it again….just a bunch of blood tests that get you too concerned and/or impatient.
    Let us know what happenes next!
    My doctor scared me yesterday…told me my no.2 and no.3 miscarriages most probably have the same cause and it might happen again. I’m trying not to believe that as i have one child already and the doctor nevetpr saw what was the reason during miscarriage no.2…and we never found out. Still worried what to do next…furtther tests or just try again naturally?
    Hugssssdd!!!!!

    1. Thanks hon. I’ll try to not panic 🙂 The last time my betas didn’t double there was something wrong, so it’s hard to not panic, but I know a few women on here who had slow rising betas and everything is going well now so I know it doesn’t always mean anything. My next blood draw is tomorrow morning so we’ll see…

      I’m sorry your doctor scared you! There’s no way to no for sure if the 2 were caused by the same thing! I agree, it’s so hard to know what to do. It’s so scary either way. Sending you so many prayers as you decide what your next steps are. My best advice is to follow your gut hon. Please keep me posted. Hugs back!

  25. Oh my!! Have been traveling for work so just saw this! Words cannot express how happy I am for you guys! Will be sending all the hope and love that I have that this is your miracle.

    1. Thanks hon <3 I've been out of touch too! I just read your last post. How's the down regulation going? You must be gearing up to start stims soon? Sending you so much hope too!

  26. I am SO overjoyed!! Seriously. Overjoyed. I know the kind of hesitation that comes with a positive test after the painful losses. May you experience this pregnancy as a brand new beginning, may your hesitation be replaced with wonder and excitement and your baby be full of heath. That’ll be my prayer for you baby mama! Lots of love. xoxo

    1. Thank you so much hon! I realized this week that the dates are practically the same as pregnancy #4 and that didn’t end well so it’s a bit of scary deja vu feeling, but you’re absolutely right. This is a new pregnancy and all I can do is hope. I just posted and update and my betas are rising very well, so that’s a great start!

      Thinking about you constantly, and continuing to keep you and those precious babies in my prayers. Please keep updating when you can. I want to know how you’re doing !
      <3

  27. Congrats on the positive result! Best wishes that everything continues to go well. Keep the hope alive! 🙂

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