I finally have some time and want to properly say thank you to my lady bits for nominating me for the Liebster Award. I am truly humbled and honored to accept this acknowledgement. Thank you so much my lady bits! This past week has been very rough on you and I just wanted to say, don’t lose faith my friend. We’re all in this together. Your nomination reminded me that I’m not alone and really brightened my day, and I want to remind you that you are not alone in this too. You and our fellow bloggers in the RPL/Infertility blogosphere provide a special understanding when life doesn’t seem to make sense and truly make this difficult journey so much easier. I pray I do the same for you. That was my biggest hope when I created this blog and why I continue to write. In sharing our stories, we really do help each other.

How the Liebster Award works:

• The Liebster Award brings a community of bloggers together and allows us to acknowledge each other and learn more about each other.
• To participate, Include the Liebster award image in your post (done).
• Link the blogger who nominated you (absolutely: my lady bits ).
• Answer questions about yourself (done, see below).
• Nominate other bloggers to receive the award (done, see below).
• Link to your nominees and give them a list of questions to answer (done, see below).

See full list of rules below.

My Lady Bits Questions

• What has infertility forced you to learn about yourself, is there one thing that you can take away that has been a positive from this journey?

This is an interesting question for me. If you had talked to me a year and a half ago, I would have never said I had a problem with infertility. I got pregnant easily and even carried a baby to 27 week with my first pregnancy. A year and a half ago, I had already been pregnant 3 times. I would have said I was the victim of bad luck. My losses were just bad luck. That’s what I honestly believed. I thought getting HELLP Syndrome at 27 weeks with my first pregnancy and having to deliver my son 3 months early was bad luck. And why wouldn’t I? My doctors still can’t give me an explanation for why I became so ill during that pregnancy. I had no predisposing factors and seemed perfectly healthy throughout the pregnancy up until the week before I delivered. I would have said my son’s death as a result of severe prematurity was also bad luck. I would have said the following miscarriage I had with my next pregnancy was just a fluke. More bad luck. Even the next loss was explained to me as not that unusual, and was told that 25% of all pregnancies result in miscarriage. It was around this time that I began to question whether I could really have this much bad luck. I felt so lost and confused, but apparently it wasn’t something I should worry about. So my OB said, but she did recommend I see a specialist, just in case. With the loss of my son and then 2 miscarriages, my doctor didn’t want me to go through any more loss without making sure there wasn’t more going on. From this point on, my perspective changed, and I learned that Recurrent Pregnancy Loss is a real thing and that it is a form of infertility. I finally got some answers, but it wasn’t good news. I was diagnosed with having low ovarian reserve and told that this likely meant I have poor egg quality and that it was amazing that I was getting pregnant at all, and it was likely the the reason for my miscarriages (my first pregnancy and the circumstances around it are considered separate from this, and that is still unexplained). Since then I had another loss and then tried IVF with PGD to test my embryos. If you’ve been following my blog, you know what happened there. More confirmation that I have shitty eggs.

So what have I learned about myself through all of this? I think the main thing I’ve learned is that I’m much stronger than I thought I was and that I’m only this strong because of the amazing people in my life, especially my husband. He has kept me sane through all of this, and I know if this dream of having a baby doesn’t come true (I’m not giving up yet), I know we’ll get through this together. The positive I can take away in all of this is that this strange journey has allowed my husband and I to know we’re strong enough to get through anything together. Losing our son and then going through 3 more losses after that has tested us. It hasn’t always been easy, but I know this has made us stronger.

• If you could pick one meal to have, from anywhere in the world, what would it be?

I love food. This is a really hard question! Since I’ve been really craving a vacation with my hubby, I have to say a little restaurant called L’Escargot in St. Maarten. We had lunch at this amazing little french restaurant when we were on our long over due ( 3 years late) honeymoon. We took a 12 day Caribbean cruise and St. Maarten was one of our ports. We had escargot 3 ways and these amazing slushy drinks that had us stumbling back to the ship. It was such a perfect afternoon and those escargot were amazing. I would love to transport us back there this very minute!

• What’s your favorite TV show?

I watch way too much TV and have way too many favorite shows! I love pretty much all HBO programs and LOVED Sex and the CityI If it was still on I would say that, but since it’s not, I’ll say Grey’s Anatomy.  It’s probably the longest I’ve committed to a TV show, and I seem to be able to watch reruns over and over. I have to say though, it’s not as good as it was in the early years but I still love it and definitely have to see it through to the end.

• What’s the best book you’ve read recently?

I haven’t been reading much lately. I go through phases where I’m obsessed with books and then other phases where I don’t read for months. It’s weird. The most recent books were the Divergent trilogy by Veronica Roth and I’m really excited about the movie coming out so guess that’s the one. The first book, Divergent, was amazing. The reason for my hesitation is because the third book, Allegiant, left me feeling let down and disappointed.

• What’s your guilty pleasure?

Anything with chocolate, wine, or cheese (the stinkier the better). Yes, I have 3 and when I’m really feeling naughty, I have all 3 together 🙂

• If you could live anywhere on this planet, and take everything that you love with you, where would you choose to live?

I really don’t know. Having grown up in Canada, but living in the US now, I can say that there are things I like about both places and wish I could merge all the good stuff from both countries into one. If I’m basing my decision on climate alone, then I think I’d stay right where I am now. Living near the coast in Southern California is pretty much beautiful all year round. If I could take away the earthquakes and have all our family and friends here with us instead of scattered about, it would be kind of perfect.

• If you were to create a slogan for your life, what would it be?

A Work in Progress. I’m kind of kidding but not really.

• What was the best day of your life and why?

The day my son was born, and a close second is the day I married my husband.

• What soothes your spirit when you are unhappy or in a bad mood?

A long walk by the ocean. I always feel calmer and more at peace when I’m near the water. There’s something so magical about how the sky meets the water and seems so endless. Anything seems possible when I look out at this vast beauty.

Nomination time!

I only started blogging in July 2013, and I am so amazed by all the incredible women I’ve met in the RPL/Infertility community in such a short time. It’s impossible to pick just a few – you all deserve a nomination! But for the sake of not posting my entire blogroll, I have narrowed my list to four. Please know though that I think you all deserve a nomination and if you’re reading this and want to accept it and answer my questions, please do! My choices below are the women I first connected with on here and who really helped pull me through the past several months.

Project Sweet Pea – Her blog was one of the first I came across when I first started writing last summer. I was completely blown away by her story and amazed by her honesty and amazing strength.

A Calm Persistence – This amazing lady has been such a constant presence in my journey for quite some time now. I feel like we’ve known each other for years not months. Things have been pretty rough on her too lately, and I hope this nomination can give her something happy to focus on.

Kate at A Hundred Affections – She is such a bright spot for me in this journey. Her unwavering faith and hope is incredibly inspiring and a continual reminder for me to not ever let go of my own faith.

My Life A Case Study – I don’t know what I would do without this lady. She says it all on her blog. Her honesty and incredible strength are such an inspiration!

The Rules:

If you choose to participate (and you don’t have to, no pressure at all) here are the rules to “accept” it.

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.
2. Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”.
3. Answer the questions that I give you below. (I’m not feeling very creative right now so I’m borrowing my questions from My Lady Bits):

• What has infertility forced you to learn about yourself, is there one thing that you can take away that has been a positive from this journey?
• If you could pick one meal to have, from anywhere in the world, what would it be?
• What’s your favorite TV show?
• What’s the best book you’ve read recently?
• What’s your guilty pleasure?
• If you could live anywhere on this planet, and take everything that you love with you, where would you choose to live?
• If you were to create a slogan for your life, what would it be?
• What was the best day of your life and why?
• What soothes your spirit when you are unhappy or in a bad mood?

4.  Nominate as many blogs that you want for the award.

5.  Create a new list of questions for the bloggers you have nominated to answer.

6.  List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here)