After the death of our son we were told to wait a year before trying again because I had a c-section and it was not recommended to become pregnant again for one year. In that time, we grieved and tried to move on. I made not 1 but 2 scrapbooks of pictures and keepsakes from the NICU as well as clippings and cards of all the beautiful messages and well wishes we received from our friends and family during the time Holdon fought in the NICU and after his death. Creating these scrapbooks was a very therapeutic process for me, and along with this therapy I was rewarded with 2 beautiful books full of all the special memories we have of our son. I haven’t created scrapbooks of my miscarriages, although I’ve thought about it, but I have kept extensive journals of all my pregnancies and have documented everything we went through. I highly recommend scrap-booking and/or journal writing for helping with the healing process of dealing with loss.  We also saw a grief counselor for months after my son’s death and my husband wrote a short story about our experience. I have included this story, entitled Holdon’s Story, as a separate page on my blog if anyone is interested in getting my husband’s point of view. As we neared our son’s birthday, we went on a cruise in the Caribbean and renewed our spirit and hope.

We came back refreshed and full of energy and excitement to begin trying again. We were again blessed by becoming pregnant after only a few months of trying and felt like it was a new beginning for us. I went along for the first 2 months in blissful unawareness that all was perfect, but then we learned at our first ultrasound appointment that there wasn’t a heartbeat and that our precious baby had died at only 6 weeks. We were floored. It was so unexpected and the grief was unbearable. I had been worrying about getting preeclampsia again and carrying this baby to term, and meanwhile, our pregnancy had ended almost as soon as it began. After the loss of our son, I cried every night for months and had to see a grief counselor to deal with it. After the first miscarriage after our son’s death, I was in complete shock. We had 2 ultrasounds after the first scan to confirm but there had been no change. They called it a missed miscarriage as I had not started bleeding yet but it was clear from the ultrasounds that our baby had died. I had a D & C and it was all over in just a couple weeks. Everyone said, “These things happen, it’s very common… nothing to worry about”. So we believed it was a one-time occurrence and tried to move on.

LMP – July 13, 2011
D & C – September 14, 2011
Due date – April 18, 2012