The past few days have been rough. I’m so tired and emotional. The hubby and I had a fight over something stupid yesterday morning and I spent the rest of the day crying while trying to work. I’ve been crying a lot the past few days. I can’t even say why exactly, I guess it’s just the extra hormones and worry. I’m still feeling symptoms, but they seem to come and go. The only constant symptom is exhaustion which seems to be getting worse. I want to crawl right back into bed and sleep the day away right after getting up every day. I’m so happy to feel it because it’s the only reassurance I have that this might be okay. It’s been challenging getting anything done though. As for the other symptoms, they come and go. It’s very disconcerting, and I feel like I’m having an emotional breakdown. One minute I feel positive that this time is going to be different, but then I remember that I have bad eggs and the odds of this going well aren’t great. This is my 6th pregnancy and I have no living children. I’m not sure I can handle another loss. I’m…Continue reading "Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear"
I AM A HELLP Survivor – Preeclampsia Awareness Month
I am a HELLP Syndrome survivor too. A fellow blogger posted this on her blog today and I had to share it. I survived, but my son Holdon did not. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t still feel his loss and the after effects of this terrible condition of pregnancy. Mommy This Mommy That’s post… I just wanted to put out there that my daughter and I are HELLP survivors. I saw that May is preeclampsia awareness month. Everywhere I’ve read there are different definitions for HELLP. Some say you get help after you are diagnosed with preeclampsia. Other places say it’s a severe form of preeclampsia. According to the American pregnancy.org website HELLP syndrome defined “HELLP Syndrome is a series of symptoms that make up a syndrome that can affect pregnant women. HELLP syndrome is thought to be a variant of preeclampsia, but it may be an entity all on its own. There are still many questions about the serious condition of HELLP syndrome. The cause is still unclear to many doctors and often HELLP syndrome is misdiagnosed. It is believed that HELLP syndrome affects about 0.2 to 0.6 percent of all pregnancies.” To read…Continue reading I AM A HELLP Survivor – Preeclampsia Awareness Month
4 Weeks, 4 Days
I’m 4 weeks, 4 days pregnant today. It’s still so early, I’m afraid to even talk about it. We have our first ultrasound scheduled for 6 weeks, 3 days on May 15th. It’s only 2 weeks from now, but might as well be 2 years. It seems so far way right now! And even if all is good with our little jelly bean on that day, I still won’t rest easy. I know it can still go wrong even if we see a heartbeat. I have so much hope for this new pregnancy, but my history has taught me to be very cautious. So right now I’m just trying to enjoy the moment and take this day by day. It helps that I feel like complete crap. I’m relishing in it. I’ll take feeling like crap if it means all is good with our little one 🙂 Symptoms So Far: # 1 – Exhaustion! This is my 6th pregnancy and I don’t remember feeling this tired with any of the others. Not even with Holdon, and I carried him to almost 28 weeks. I’ve had to drag my butt out of bed every day this week, and have found myself…Continue reading 4 Weeks, 4 Days
Liebster Award Nomination For All Of You!
Last week was such an amazing week. I found out I’m pregnant and I got nominated by spiritbabycomehome for another Liebster Award! This is my second nomination. I’m not sure if you’re supposed to accept more than one, but I’m breaking the rules because I am so touched and honored by this acknowledgment and I wanted to thank spiritbabycomehome properly. I am in awe of this special lady who has had to endure so much, especially in the past year with several losses, and failed fertility treatments, and she is now embarking on an amazing adventure into the world of donor eggs. This was not an easy decision for her and she has shown such incredible strength and perseverance. She is a true inspiration. Thank you amazing lady! How the Liebster Award works: The Liebster Award brings a community of bloggers together and allows us to acknowledge each other and learn more about each other. The Rules: Link back to the blogger who gave you the award. Absolutely! (See above). Answer the questions designated by the blogger who nominated you. Check (see below). List 11 random facts about yourself. This is new, I didn’t do this last time. Eek! (see…Continue reading Liebster Award Nomination For All Of You!
Beta # 2 is Good!
I just walked back in the door from getting my blood work and running a few errands afterward, and the lab already posted my result! Here it is: Thursday – 1:14 pm: 62 Saturday – 10:08 am: 228 That’s way more than double! Thank you God! I’m so relieved! Of course having good rising betas doesn’t mean we’re safe yet. After all, pregnancy #4 had good rising betas and it still resulted in a miscarriage, BUT this is good news, and today, I’m happy 🙂 The past week has been such a roller coaster of emotions. Last Friday, April 18th, was the would-have-been-due-date for pregnancy # 2 and my first miscarriage. I spent the day in quiet reflection and tried to look to the future not the past, and hoped for this cycle. Then 3 days later on April 22nd, I realized that if we got pregnant this cycle (I didn’t know at the time that we had gotten pregnant), that it would be almost a mirror image of pregnancy #4 in terms of dates, because on that day last year, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. If it hadn’t resulted in a miscarriage at 7 weeks, my…Continue reading Beta # 2 is Good!
Update: Beta #2 Tomorrow and Progesterone Check is Good!
I want to take a moment to thank all you wonderful ladies in this IF/RPL community for all your love and prayers yesterday and today. I feel so blessed to have found all of you, and it makes me feel so happy that so many are praying for our little one. We can use all the prayers we can get! I have so much I want to write about, but this past week has been crazy busy and I’m ridiculously exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open to write this update and it’s only 6:30 PM here! I will be writing much more tomorrow after I get some rest, including a separate post to properly thank SpiritBabyComeHome for her nomination for the Liebster Award. I am truly honored to receive this acknowledgement from her and I look forward to answering her questions. So for now, here’s a little update: My doctor got back to me earlier today and she wants me to go in for my second beta tomorrow. So yay! I won’t have to wait until Monday! She also checked my progesterone levels with yesterday’s blood draw and it’s 29.44 ng/ml which I’m told is really good so I…Continue reading Update: Beta #2 Tomorrow and Progesterone Check is Good!
Here We Go Again
The last 2 days have been really eventful amazing and I have been dying to tell all of you! I was just waiting for confirmation. I have no idea if it was the Evening Primrose Oil, or maybe it was just our month, I don’t know, but I took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was positive! I was adamant I wasn’t going to test before my period was due, but I changed my mind last night because I started feeling really awful 2 days ago. I feel like someone zapped all my energy and all I want to do is sleep. I’ve also been feeling really light headed and have had those familiar twinges and cramps even though my period isn’t due until Sunday. So after arguing with myself for several hours yesterday, I decided to bite the bullet and POS, and it was positive! The second line came up right away, and it wasn’t even a squinter! See the top test in the image above. Then because of what happened 2 months ago with my chemical pregnancy, I wanted to make sure so I took another one this morning and it’s way darker! See the bottom test in…Continue reading Here We Go Again
Yay Supplements!
If you’ve been dealing with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss or infertility for a while now, you probably have a long list of supplements that you take every day. I know I do and I hate, HATE taking pills. When I was 19, I almost choked to death taking 3 huge vitamin C tablets at once. I passed out from lack of oxygen and probably wouldn’t be here to tell this story, if it wasn’t for the fast actions of my college roommate who gave me the heimlich maneuver and saved my life. Ever since then, I’ve had trouble taking pills. I have to take each pill individually, regardless of its size. It’s quite a chore to take all of them every day, but this is the first month I actually don’t mind taking them and I wanted to share why! Fertility supplements aren’t a complete waste of time and money after all! Here’s why: 1. Fertility supplements boost the immune system! My husband was super sick for a week and half. He could barely move he was so ill. Usually, when he’s sick, I’m sick within a couple days too. I actually thought we would be out for even trying this month…Continue reading Yay Supplements!
A Quick Getaway
Thank you everyone for all your love, thoughts and prayers this past weekend. I was overwhelmed with emotion reading all your comments on here yesterday, as well as all the comments I received on Facebook. One of my biggest fears, as time goes on, is that Holdon will be forgotten. However, I see now how impossible that is. We are so blessed to have so many people in our lives who love us and love Holdon, and I just know he was looking down at all of us and smiling at all the love he was feeling on his special day. Morro Bay, California Our weekend plans didn’t go exactly as we envisioned, but it was still very relaxing and good to get away. We had a party to go to on Saturday night, so we planned on leaving early on Sunday morning and getting into Morro Bay early enough to still enjoy the day, stay the night, then spend all day there the next day and drive back on Monday evening. Well, I was in a bit of funk on Saturday night with Holdon’s birthday the next day, and ended up drinking more than I wanted to at the…Continue reading A Quick Getaway
For Our Angel, Holdon on His 4th Birthday
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYI-16QeX54&w=560&h=315] View video in YouTube: In Loving Memory of Our Son Holdon – YouTube. Four years ago today, on April 6th, 2010 at 1:38 PM, our son Holdon was born 3 months early due to a dangerous pregnancy condition called HELLP Syndrome, a variant of preeclampsia. He lived for 3 ½ months in the NICU. We named him Holdon with a second “o” so it would spell “hold on”, and he did. He held on every day of his precious life. He fought so hard, but in the end it was too much. On July 14th, 2010, we were told there was nothing more the doctors could do. His tiny underdeveloped lungs and short gut syndrome were too much for him. He could not absorb nutrients properly so his lungs couldn’t develop. He never came off the breathing tube and eventually he succumbed to infection, and as a result of sepsis his organs began to shut down. We had him baptized at the hospital on July 19th, and then at 2:26 PM on July 20th 2010, after struggling for days with the impossible decision no parent should ever have to make, our son Holdon was taken off the breathing…Continue reading For Our Angel, Holdon on His 4th Birthday