I received a surprise package in the mail yesterday from my Mom. It was a gift for Holdon’s birthday. It’s a Pandora bracelet with 3 charms on it: an “H”, a flower with his birthstone, and a small angel. It was such an overwhelming and touching gift to let me know she was thinking about us and our little angel. Thank you Mom! It’s beautiful. I have to admit, I’ve always thought Pandora bracelets were a little overpriced for what they are and never really wanted one before, but I fell in love with this bracelet instantly, and will cherish it always. What a perfect birthday present for my angel! As far as everything else, I’m doing okay, but still not sleeping well and I seem to be starting my period a few days early. So April 1 = CD 1. Lovely. Great way to start off hell month. Very fitting. All I can say is, hopefully we’ll have better news at the end of the month. Sending out love and prayers to my fellow bloggers. April is a rough month for many of us on here with miscarriage anniversaries, would-have-been due dates and not-birthdays. The only thing worst than…Continue reading Special Memory Bracelet
Reflecting on a Strange Week
This has been an interesting week. Not really bad, but not great either. First of all, I wrote last Sunday that I thought my body was having a good laugh at my expense, and I think it decided to keep on laughing because I posted a picture from Pinterest that said, “The bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep” by E. Joseph Lossman, and then I tossed and turned all that night, and the next 2 nights too! I was exhausted and falling asleep on the couch right after dinner, but as soon as I would go to bed, nothing! I was finally able to get a good 5 hours in a row on Wednesday and Thursday night and about 7 hours total last night, but it still wasn’t great. I kept having the weirdest dreams that kept waking me up. A lot of the dreams have been about our son and babies. I think Holdon’s upcoming not-birthday next Sunday is weighing heavily on my mind. I’ve been working on a video/slideshow for him and I think it’s bringing all of it back. I don’t regret working on it though, because it’s something I’ve wanted to do for…Continue reading Reflecting on a Strange Week
The Difference A Day Can Make
First of all, I want to thank all the ladies who commented on my WTF is My Body Doing? post from yesterday. All your support and advice really helped ease my mind and I was able to fall asleep easily last night instead of worrying about what my waking temp would be today. And sure enough, my temp went way up to 98.0 this morning! There’s no mistaking that temp shift. Whew! So if it remains high, then I can confirm that I ovulated some time yesterday. I’m feeling pretty foolish for putting that post up yesterday and seeing my temp go up today. Talk about jumping the gun! I really think my body was having a good laugh at my expense, but at least I know I’m back on track with only a few days delay and all your advice really helped! Image source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/328551735287917191/ After seeing that temp shift, I turned off my alarm and fell back to sleep until 10:00. It was bliss! I haven’t been able to sleep in that late in ages, and I can’t believe what a difference it has made in my mood today. So now I’m back in the dreaded TWW again, but…Continue reading The Difference A Day Can Make
WTF is My Body Doing?
It’s been such a crazy time lately and I’ve been so out of touch with this blog. I’ve been reading all my fellow bloggers posts and commenting when I have time, but have been completely neglecting my own blog. To recap, last cycle we got pregnant and had a chemical pregnancy that ended just a few days after I first saw a positive pregnancy test. It was my 5th loss in less than 4 years. It all happened so fast, and while my parents were visiting, so I didn’t have time to process it at all. Then, just 4 days later, my college roommate and her husband flew in for a long weekend. It was great to spend time with them but it was a whirlwind weekend of shopping and site-seeing with only a short break on the beach last Saturday to enjoy the 85 degree weather, and then a Saint Patrick’s Day party on Sunday that lasted all day in the hot sun. We continued the party at our house and only got a short nap in before seeing our friends off to the airport at 4AM on Monday morning. We barely got back to sleep when we were…Continue reading WTF is My Body Doing?
You Will Soon Witness a Miracle
A few days ago, we went for dinner at PF Changs, and at the end of our meal, they brought us fortune cookies. This was mine: I have to admit, my faith has been stretched pretty thin the past several weeks, but seeing that little strip of paper reminded me to not give up in a moment when I was feeling pretty hopeless. Okay God, I’m listening. I won’t give up. I won’t lose faith. You might recall that last month I posted the image below. I’m re-posting it because I’m seeing it in a different light now. We saw this boulder on the drive between Temecula and Palm Springs. It says, “I’m Right Here. Don’t Let Me Go”. At the time, I thought it was a sign that my FET would be successful, but now I realize I needed reminding that it might not all go according to plan, but I’m not alone and I shouldn’t let go of my faith and hope. And now in the wake of another miscarriage, I get this fortune. If these aren’t a sign from a higher power, I don’t know what is. I know this journey isn’t going to be easy. It…Continue reading You Will Soon Witness a Miracle
Chemical Pregnancy or False Positive?
I have been holding off writing this post until I had more answers, but three days later, I honestly still don’t know what the F really happened. My period was due 4 days ago. By 6PM on that day, there was no sign of AF arriving and I was feeling all the familiar “symptoms” I’ve had with my last 4 pregnancies: weird throbbing headaches, extremely sore breasts and peeing a lot, so I decided to test. I sent my hubby out to get the tests because I had used up all my tests last month when I was frantically hoping for a BFP after my embryo transfer. He came home with the generic CVS brand with blue dye. I wasn’t happy. I only trust First Response Early Result tests not blue dye early result tests. I have heard they can sometimes give false positives. At any rate, this was the only test I had and my hubby was irritated with me for testing at all. He’s of the mindset, we’ll find out when my period is a no show, but since I always have a 26 day cycle and my period is usually in full force by the evening on…Continue reading Chemical Pregnancy or False Positive?
Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles
Did anybody else see the story on the news this morning about a woman in Indiana who went to the hospital with stomach pains thinking she had severe appendicitis or gall bladder stones and was told she was in labor? She had no idea she was pregnant until her water broke in the ER. Seriously?! What the F? I was completely stunned watching this and burst into angry tears upon hearing it. How on earth can this happen? That poor baby. Who knows what the stupid B did in the 9 months while she was carrying him. She honestly thought she had just put on extra winter weight! Who can be that stupid?! Am I the only one who’s furious about this? The people on the news reporting on the story didn’t seem to be. They talked about it like it was the funniest thing in the world. I’m sorry, there’s nothing funny about this story. It’s unbelievable to me that this can happen, and yet this isn’t the first time I’ve heard stories like this. It’s so unfair! So many of us are so cautious during pregnancy that we barely breathe for fear it will cause a miscarriage, and…Continue reading Feeling Down But Still Believe In Miracles
Liebster Award
I finally have some time and want to properly say thank you to my lady bits for nominating me for the Liebster Award. I am truly humbled and honored to accept this acknowledgement. Thank you so much my lady bits! This past week has been very rough on you and I just wanted to say, don’t lose faith my friend. We’re all in this together. Your nomination reminded me that I’m not alone and really brightened my day, and I want to remind you that you are not alone in this too. You and our fellow bloggers in the RPL/Infertility blogosphere provide a special understanding when life doesn’t seem to make sense and truly make this difficult journey so much easier. I pray I do the same for you. That was my biggest hope when I created this blog and why I continue to write. In sharing our stories, we really do help each other. How the Liebster Award works: The Liebster Award brings a community of bloggers together and allows us to acknowledge each other and learn more about each other. To participate, Include the Liebster award image in your post (done). Link the blogger who nominated you (absolutely: my…Continue reading Liebster Award
Quick Updates
I don’t have much time because we’re getting ready to go out for the day, but I wanted to write a quick post. I’m really bad at letting weeks go by in-between posts when I’m busy so though I’d just write a quick one this morning and then I’ll write more in a few days when I have more time. Work has been busy and we’ve had the pleasure of visitors for the past few weeks and more to come upcoming weeks! With so many of our family and friends scattered about the US and Canada, it’s always so wonderful to have them come down here for a visit. It helps that we have nice weather all year round 🙂 My sister in-law was here for a week and a half at the beginning of the month, and now my parents are here from Canada. It was amazing to get up early and watch Team Canada win the Gold medal this morning with my parents. Way to go Team Canada! Liebster Award Nomination I’m humbled to announce that I received a nomination from My Lady Bits for the Liebster Award the other day. I plan on writing a separate post…Continue reading Quick Updates
Hard Decisions
I’m having a really hard time articulating my thoughts right now so I hope this all makes sense. Since my last post, we’ve had to reevaluate our choices again because we got the fee summary from our clinic for our upcoming plan, and we’re not sure we can or should proceed. If we somehow miraculously end up needing to do only one low stim cycle, it will still end up costing us another $16,000. If we end up having to do 3 or more low stim cycles (far more likely), we’re looking at spending another $25,000 or more. Here’s the fee summary we received from our clinic: MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE $ 6,442.50 MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-15% ADJUSTMENT $ 5,872.38 MIN STIMULATION EMBRYO CRYO CYCLE, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-30% ADJUSTMENT $ 4,902.25 FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER, GLOBAL PACKAGE FEE-15% ADJUSTMENT $ 3,493.50 REPROGENETICS 24-CHROMOSOME PANEL (EMBRYOS 1-12) $ 5,125.00 ADDITIONAL $225 PER EMBRYO OVER 12, IF APPLICABLE TOTAL AMOUNT DUE $ 25,835.63 The above fee breakdown is for 3 Min Stimulation cycles. It will end up costing even more if we still don’t have enough embryos for testing after 3 cycles. I have to…Continue reading Hard Decisions