My doctor emailed me with the results of the PGD testing today, and we have 1 normal embryo out of the final 4. A girl. I immediately burst into tears upon reading the results. I was so relieved and also sad. The other 3 were abnormal and were another girl and 2 boys. My doctor attached the report from the PGD lab with his email and seeing the actual results was rather surreal. Two girls, two boys, but only one with normal chromosomes. My hubby was at work and has to keep his phone off when at work, so I called my Mom and she too burst into tears, so there we were both blubbering on the phone. We’re so relieved that we at least have one shot at this. Thank you God! Above is a picture I took on my walk today. There on the side of a wall was a single pink rose growing on a vine. A single bloom, just like our girl. I took this as a really good sign! Now I wait for my period to come and we’ll hopefully proceed with FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) of our little star. I have a phone appointment…Continue reading And Then There Was One
Still Waiting
I contemplated writing a post tonight since I don’t have any updates, but I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for all your words of encouragement and hope. I was really feeling scared and sad yesterday, but your support really helped bring me out of my funk and renewed my hope. I went out for another long walk today because it really does help clear my head, and because even though I’ve been living here in Southern California for 6 years now, I don’t think I will ever get used the fact that its beautiful and sunny outside in December. Sometimes I miss snow at this time of the year, but then I hear reports of weather being -30 Celsius back home, and I don’t miss it so much. So today on my walk, I took in the smell of fresh cut grass, felt the sun on my skin, and stopped to literally smell (and take pictures of) the flowers, and I thought about all I was thankful for. Foremost on that list is my hubby, who I get to pick up at the airport in 3 hours, and I’m beyond excited to see; our family, especially…Continue reading Still Waiting
Final Four
Dr. J emailed me today with a status report on our embryos. His exact words were “… 4 blastocysts were biopsied. This is a good start.” I honestly didn’t know how to react to this news. The fact that 4 out 11 embryos reached day 5 is a decent percentage (36%), and we were told the average survival rate of embryos reaching 5-day blastocyst in the lab is about 30%, so we’re right where we should be, but will 4 be enough? Will this give us enough of a chance of having at least one healthy embryo after PGD? I’m trying to stay optimistic, but the closer we get to finding out, I’m kind of freaking out a bit. After getting the email. I went for a long walk to clear my head. I was in a real funk. Five days ago, we had 11 possibilities, and now we have four. It really scares me. I also can’t help grieving for those 7 that didn’t make it. These were 7 tiny little lives that we created, and their existence was over so quick. I know I shouldn’t think about it that way. If they didn’t survive to 5-day blast in…Continue reading Final Four
Worldwide Candle Lighting
The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites family and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon. As candles are lit at 7:00 p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of all children gone too soon. The Compassionate Friends: Providing Grief Support After the Death of a Child “The Compassionate Friends is about transforming the pain of grief into the elixir of hope. It takes people out of the isolation society imposes on the bereaved and lets them express their grief naturally. With the shedding of tears, healing comes. And the newly bereaved get to see people who have survived and are learning to live and love again.” –Simon Stephens, founder of The Compassionate Friends Click to read more: The Compassionate Friends
Day 5 Distraction: Finishing a Painting I Started 3 Years Ago
First things first, I have not heard from Dr. J to tell me how many of my embryos survived to today, 5-day blastocyst, and were biopsied for PGD. He said he wouldn’t call until Tuesday, but I really wish he would give me a status update. I’m so anxious to know how they’re doing. I just keep praying, no news is good news. Tuesday, cannot come fast enough! On that note, I definitely needed a good distraction today, so I decided to tackle a project that is very dear to me, but I have been avoiding for over 3 years. Shortly before my first miscarriage and a year after we lost our son, I began a painting in memory of him. Then I found out I was pregnant again and stopped painting because I was worried about the paint fumes. I only paint with acrylic paints so they really aren’t toxic, but I worry and didn’t want to take any chances. Then we miscarried and I just wasn’t in the right head space to resume working on it. And then I had another miscarriage and another, and I just never came back to it. So today, I was wondering what…Continue reading Day 5 Distraction: Finishing a Painting I Started 3 Years Ago
Day 5
It’s 12:30 am, so I’m going to say it’s now day 5. Our sweet embryos should have reached 5-day blastocyst by now or by later today. Fingers cross! Some time today they should be ready. The embryologist will take a small biopsy from the portion of each embryo that will make up the placenta and send it to the PGD lab. I still haven’t heard from Dr J, so praying this means at least some of them are doing well. Either way, we should know soon. Day 4 Distraction Activity: Girls Night! Tonight I’m up late and only posting now because I had some good friends over for a girls night. It was the perfect distraction! It was so great to just relax and spend time catching up. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. It was exactly what I needed. None of the girls have kids yet. They’re not even married yet, and it was just so refreshing to listen to their crazy stories of the dates they’ve been on and the ups and downs of single life. It really put things into perspective for me. For one thing, nobody’s life is perfect. I may not have…Continue reading Day 5
Day 3
Today, my embryos should have reached day 3 blastocyst. I had to physically hold myself back from calling the clinic to see how they’re doing. Typically, the clinic would call with daily reports, but since we’re not planning on transferring until PGD is complete, the stages in between don’t mean too much, and it’s counter productive to talk about how they’re doing right now when it’s the end result we need to know. Of course, that doesn’t prevent me from thinking about them and wondering how they’re doing. It’s taking everything I’ve got to sit tight and try to not think about them 24/7. In this case though, I’m going to stock it up to “no news is good news”, if they weren’t doing well, Dr. J would call to tell me. So at least for now, I have to believe that at least some of them are still going strong. We did everything we could do, now it’s out of our hands. We just have to have faith. In the meantime, I just have to keep distracting myself. Day 3 Distraction Activity: Enjoying Sushi and Curling Up on the Couch with a Good Book My hubby is away for…Continue reading Day 3
Waiting… Wishing… Hoping…
Yesterday, I started a daily distraction activity to get me through this next week of waiting to hear how my embryos are doing and whether any of them are viable after PGD. The first distraction activity was decorating our Christmas Tree. Above is a picture of my special memory ornaments for my angels. The three snowflakes are the same ones A Calm Persistence blogged about finding at Kohl’s in her post It was just one of those days…. She purchased them for her angel babies and was extremely generous in sharing where she found them so others could get them too. I absolutely loved them and went out a few days later and got them for my own angel babies. The three snowflakes are for each of my miscarriages with the birth stone for each due date: April 18th for my first miscarriage, December 20th for my second miscarriage and January 5th for my most recent miscarriage. The two angel ornaments are for my son, my angel Holdon. One angel holds his birthstone for April 6th and the blue angel above it was a gift from my mother, and it holds his picture. These 5 ornaments are my most cherished…Continue reading Waiting… Wishing… Hoping…
IVF and PGD: Go Embryos Go!
We have 6 more embryos! Of the 9 eggs we retrieved yesterday, 6 were mature and all 6 fertilized! I’m beyond thrilled. My hubby’s little swimmers really did their job! This afternoon they thawed the 5 fertilized eggs we got in September and we now have 11 growing embryos! The embryologist will do a biopsy on all the embryos that survive to day 5 blastocyst and send the biopsies to the PGD lab for testing. This should occur Saturday and Sunday (Saturday for the new embryos and Sunday for the the thawed embryos), and we should get the results by next Tuesday. So by this time next week we’ll know if we have any viable embryos for transfer. I have no idea how I’m going to get through the next week! I’m hopeful, anxious, nervous, scared, and so many other feelings I can’t even describe all at the same time! Please, please let our embryos survive to 5-day blast and let us have a healthy embryo! Knowing myself, I won’t be able to go 5 minutes without freaking out about our embryos and Googling the statistics and success rates of 5-day blast survival and PGD. Who am I kidding? I’m…Continue reading IVF and PGD: Go Embryos Go!
IVF and PGD Part 2– Egg Retrieval #2
Early this morning we had our second egg retrieval, and so far it went well. First and foremost, we got 9 eggs this time which is 2 more than last time! I was so relieved to hear this, but now we have to wait and see how many are mature and fertilize. Last time we got 7 eggs, but only 6 were mature and 5 fertilized. So that was a really good percentage of fertilized eggs for the number of eggs we started with. I pray we are equally successful this time! All in all the procedure was about the same as last time. We arrived at the clinic OR at 6:15 this morning as directed by the nurse for the hour prep time needed prior to our 7:15 retrieval time. Since I was the first patient of the day, things moved along pretty quick. We filled out the same consent forms as last time, and then I was taken into the pre-op area. I got undressed and put on the lovely retrieval ensemble consisting of hospital gown, booties and surgical cap. Then, the nurse took my vitals and prepared my IV. This part went much smoother this time. Last…Continue reading IVF and PGD Part 2– Egg Retrieval #2